My first day - reflecting on a role model
December 2019
It’s not my first day ever in ED that has stuck in my memory. It’s my first day back, after a year out to study, teach and work out what to do with myself.
I was at a loose end. Broken. I had been scared off clinical medicine. Time away helped, but I missed the sense of purpose and identity that came with being a ‘real’ doctor.
I arrived early. Dressed in plain clothes. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered so hard I thought they might escape through my mouth.
I timidly joined the ward round, led by a woman with presence. She had curly blonde hair and intense eyes. She scribbled on a piece of paper towel as we moved around the department.
‘Who are you?’ she asked. ‘Clare’, I replied. ‘@%#*!’ she said. ‘Not another Clare.’ We paused for introductions. There were five Clares on the round.
‘Pick up a patient’, she suggested. I hesitated. ‘You’ll be right, pet’, she said. ‘I’ll help.’
Later, she overheard me getting a grilling. Calcium gluconate versus calcium chloride. She sidled up. ‘Ignore him’, she whispered.
An extraordinary role model had entered my life. Caring, intelligent, thorough, hard-working and as direct as they come. I felt safe. I knew instantly that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.
